techniques hosts use to persuade their guests to eat prodigious quantities of food

guilt trip some hosts seem to love casting aspersions relating to the time of day or time of year. "you just consumed a huge meal? that doesn't matter, because that was over an hour ago!" "you are stuffed? keep eating, its passover." these temporal 'masks of confusion' rely on very liberal assumptions about the space-time continuum. keep in mind that guests are in a difficult position here: they are usually stuffed into a gluttonous-stupor or culinary-coma and straightening out time-calculations in these states is virtually impossible. again, the host has manipulated the situation so that they are in complete control of the intestinal-tract-clogging process.

  • "you are on vacation, when you return home you can diet"
  • "you just ate lunch? come on, its already 3 o'clock - this is dinner"
  • "its thanksgiving for goodness sake!"
kind request inebriation
shock and awe humor
respect/etiquette conspiracy
culture body language
history morality
lineage metaphysical
request for opinion competitiveness
compliments insult
bribe nagging
trade off connection
compromise peer pressure
physical char. imperative
temporal char. threat
need duress
preemptive strike forced feeding
trickery timing
chemical the future...

i have relatives that live in croatia, slovakia, hungary and israel and it is of utmost importance that their guests consume massive quantities of food. these hosts seem to feel personally insulted if you do not eat three, four or even five portions of the food that they are offering. initially i was critical of this forced-gluttony, but after reassessing the phenomena, i have become a connoisseur of their brilliant methodologies. my analysis of their techniques is intended to serve as the first step in the process of developing an effective counter-strategy.

although someone who eats large amounts of food on their own accord is the ultimate guest, those guests who succumb to these techniques generate a surprising level of joy for the host.

i have also not noticed a significant difference between the consumption of food that was prepared or purchased. one might think that a host would take more offense if food they slaved over was 'under-consumed'. it seems however, that the labor involved is not critical - all that matters is that massive quantities are ingested.